The words come to the forefront of my mind "You're such a loser", "Nice face buddy, man you're ugly", "If I looked like you I would shoot myself" and so forth. It was a constant barrage of cruel words with hateful intentions.
There I was in grade 9, my first year in a big unknown school and I didn't know a single soul. The crazy thing about it all is I was more uncomfortable because at recess people were smoking and some were even lighting up drugs. I hated drugs with a passion, my brother was and is hooked on them and I saw how it was destroying his life, his body, his mind and his character. I had a strong sense of right and wrong and maybe that's where it all started but I think it was even more than that. I looked awkward, spoke awkward and didn't look anyone in the eyes and that's the perfect recipe for being bullied.
After just two weeks of school things suddenly became a living nightmare, people would just come up to me and say nasty things, sick things, things that don't even deserve to be repeated but I tried to ignore them. I put my best foot forward and kept smiling when I could and shaking off the heartache, the verbal daggers, the cruel intentions. I often prayed before going to school, during school and one thing it taught me was to never be anyone else but yourself.
During that year and the next it became clearly evident that even switching schools wasn't going to solve my problem with bullies. The next school was even worse than the first one. Girls would come up to me and just laugh at me, while others pretended to like me and then begin laughing as others looked on, knowing all the while that it was just a cruel joke. Stories circulated about who I might be, what I might be, what I was in their minds and the stories got bigger and more cruel as time passed on. One morning in particular I was mocked and ridiculed during class by seven to eight students at one time and then the teacher joined in the festive banter and that was the day that my heart completely fell to pieces. Later that night I attempted suicide and failed miserably, thankfully! My parents saw the serious situation that had finally boiled to an uncontrollable frenzy of pain and decided to take me to South America on a trip. I believe that in some small way it was the best thing to do. They took me out of school and I lived life, I actually began to smile again, not all the time like I used to but the smile was working its way back in.
To make a long story short, I fell into satanism, became an angry young man and by the time I was 17 I was seriously involved in martial arts for the purpose of never being bullied again. I took my situation and tried to resolve it my way, I was angry at God and at life but I had a radical turnaround and accepted christ back into my life and began witnessing to my partying friends and the change in my life shocked them. Suddenly I wasn't the angry guy looking for violence and hate, I was looking for truth, faith, hope and love. God took my broken life and made me bold for the gospel. I became someone that had enough courage through christ to forgive those who hurt me, who hated me, and even those who betrayed me. Jesus taught me to love others as myself and that in itself is a novel waiting to be written ;)
Where we are broken, God in His amazing glory, His wonderful love, can and will restore us. It isn't that God is cruel by ignoring our suffering when we pray for hope, change and deliverance but rather it is all about perfect timing. My life is a testimony of Gods unfailing love, His devoted arms of strength despite everything I've done, everything anyone has done to me. I am a child of the one true King and by jesus's strips I am made brand new. Bullying can never triumph over the grace of the cross, fear and hatred could not keep jesus in the grave and for that resurrection I am forever changed...
